When we communicate, we want to be understood by others. However, even the best communicators get misinterpreted at times, and we can all learn how to communicate more effectively and understand others better by using the Enneagram style-based communication cues as our guide.

This section contains the following information:

• The Sender-Receiver Communication Model
• The Speaking Style and Body Language by Enneagram Style
• Ways Individuals of All Styles Can Enhance Their Communication

Sender-Receiver Model


Three kinds of distortions may be present when we send a communication to someone else: speaking style, body language, and blind spots. Speaking style refers to the overall pattern by which we talk as well as to what we actually talk about. Some of us speak slowly, while others get right to the point; some of us sound like honey and others like machine guns. Some tell stories, while others talk about tasks. Some people talk about feelings, and others talk about ideas or events. Some people hardly talk at all.

Our posture, facial expressions, hand gestures, body movements, energy levels, and hundreds of other nonverbal messages form the integrated impression known as body language. The combination of our speaking style and our body language accounts for approximately 80 percent or more of the meaning others hear in what we communicate; only 20 percent or less of a perceived message comes from the actual content of what we say.

As important as body language is to communication, most of us are unaware of our own body language because it is largely unconscious. Our body language is as automatic as breathing. We rarely pay attention to taking a breath, yet we do it all day long.

Blind spots contain information about ourselves that are not apparent to us, but are highly visible to other people. We unknowingly convey this information through an amalgam of our speaking style, body language and other inferential data. Have you ever been told -- and been surprised to hear -- that you cleared your throat regularly, pulled at your hair, crossed your feet while standing, or said "um" ten times during a speech? This is the type of information contained in our blind spots. Each Enneagram style has specific blind spots through which unconscious and unintentional messages are sent to others.

The receivers of the messages we send also distort what they hear through their distorting filters. These are unconscious concerns or assumptions, often based on Enneagram style, that alter how we hear what others say. For example, if you focus on whether or not your listener likes you (as Twos often do), or if you pay attention to whether other people are demanding your time and energy (as Fives typically do), you will not be clearheaded enough to accurately hear what others are really saying to you. Most communication courses teach a technique called active listening. This technique involves listening to another person very closely and then paraphrasing what you have just heard the other person say to you. Even in this situation, one in which we are trying our best to listen accurately, most of us either miss some information or misinterpret what we have just heard. That is because all of us unconsciously engage in selective listening to at least some degree, simply because we are human.

The best way to avoid having others misperceive what we say is to alter the way in which we say things. We can only do this by becoming aware of our speaking distortions and then working to change our behavior. Similarly, the way to ensure that we hear others more accurately is to minimize our distorting filters. Again, this comes from first understanding the distorting filters of our own Enneagram style, and then working to minimize or remove them -- one filter at a time.

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Speaking Style and Body Language by Enneagram Style


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Ways for Individuals of All Styles to Enhance Communication

Change one behavior at a time
It is most effective to work on changing one behavior at a time. It is recommended that you work on changes to your communication style in the following sequence, which moves from most conscious to least conscious behaviors:

• Speaking style
• Body language
• Blind spots
• Distorting filters

Increase your awareness
Increase your knowledge of the ways in which you distort both the messages you send and those you receive. Refer regularly to the list inside and ask yourself:
Which of these behaviors did I just exhibit?

Solicit feedback
Ask others, including coworkers, for feedback on your Enneagram communication style; select people who know you well and whom you respect.

Audiotape or videotape yourself
Audiotape or videotape yourself during a meeting or when giving a speech, and review the tape multiple times to observe your Enneagram style behavior.

Listen actively
Use active listening to decrease your receiving distortions; paraphrase both the content and feelings you hear from the other person so he or she can give you a reality check on the accuracy of your listening skills.

Work with a coach
Select a coach who will give you real-time feedback on your ability to communicate effectively and will provide you with suggestions for new behavior.


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